I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. This Joke Starts with a Little Girl Being a Nosy Parker When a little girls begins asking her Mom every question under the sun, Mom understandably begins to become annoyed at her. My High-Flying Kids Can't Afford a Present For Me (Funny) In spite of having three high-flying children, this poor couple didn't even get a single present at their 50th anniversary, but they have a secret of their own.
This Lawyer Paid His Dad Back for His Education in Full A young lawyer is interviewing for a job as legal counsel to an investor.
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips.
Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots.
Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:- Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool.- Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight.- Places where there is darkness.- Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness.- Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat.- Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay.- Hockey games are okay.- Old folks homes are better. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been.
However, In order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Bruce Cameron Please do not remove the copyright from this essay When I was in high school I used to be terrified of my girlfriend? But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi.
s father, who I believe suspected me of wanting to place my hands on his daughter? He would open the door and immediately affect a good-naturedly murderous expression, holding out a handshake that, when gripped, felt like it could squeeze carbon into diamonds. Remembering how unfairly persecuted I felt when I would pick up my dates, I do my best to make my daughter? If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home.
Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool.Though the sitcom revolved around Ritter’s character, it was ultimately decided to keep the show going and Ritter’s character dies off-camera. When he calls, Ed’s ready to get sexy with her over the phone but she has to hang up.The next few episodes deal with his loss and how the Hennessy family moves on. Bridget was supposed to be in charge of the Ditch Day prank, in which she was to steal a rival school’s goat mascot.But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe.If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.