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    We'd play matchbox cars and have squirt gun fights. She said on a admissions form in one of my hospitalizations she had me to relieve her own case of colitis. He said do you want to be possessed and shoot little girls? So I tolerated some very sick things so I would not become a devil someday. The pedophile moved out because the cops were onto him for fraud. But I had no clue that the people were so cruel they made the animals become wicked too. Everyday my cat would come running up to greet me, I would hold out my arms and he would jump up, purring licking my tears away. I would fight hospital boards on behalf of witchcraft, arguing why patients should be allowed to have crystals and ritual implements as part of "religious freedoms". I discovered Freud was a pedophile sympathizer and said it was "normal". Meanwhile, I explained to shrinks quite convincingly that interests in the occult, sorcery, psi and transexualism was not mental illness because of psychology is rooted in shamanism, mesmerism. I urged other people to reveal documents the Cos holds secret online for all to see and judge for themselves. I got "excommunicated" from the Church of Satan for being a pain in their neck. Egan blames his Christian parents for the boy's death. I had to find out why evil beings come here and how to save myself or at least defend myself or pick the right alliances. But I soon realized those books were nothing but wishful thinking rehashes of magick we had practiced before repackaged... Jesus was in his Word stomping the very forces that caused all the pain and confusion in my life, Destroying the sinful spiritual motives of pedophiles, addicts, sex freaks, body/self loathing and abuse. He doesn't want us confused about who we are because of what has been, confused what we want with what we think we want because we believe we must hate what we have or to hate our own bodies because they are weak or hurt and vulnerable or not ideal in the eyes of others. She was depressed and was into pop psychology and psychic phenomena. He claimed he molested me to save my soul and so I would not be cursed as a woman of Satan. I began to think I wasn't meant to be in this world. I was outcast there too (kids there knew me from school). I fully understood by experience why he killed all the wicked people (I had thought of that too). Alien me, got off the bus after school everyday with spit in my hair, my notebooks miles away scattered in some cornfield. I decided people were monsters, and I was stranded here in this place... Then my cat got murdered by bullies in my neighborhood, I hid in a rusted out dryer as they hung him, laughing at my future reaction when I found him. I declared war against humans and decided I was a feline soul trapped in a human body. One dream in particular I was visited by a cat being with light up hair silver skin dressed in shimmery white robe that flashed purple and blue called LUX. I taught people how to blow sand into the locks of the isolation rooms because staff used isolation rather than talk out problems they were lazy and bullies sometimes. I learned a lot about the psych system and the roots of psychology and the social engineering side of "therapy." I noticed therapist is spelled THE RAPIST. All their talk about self mastery and self definition was a joke. I was gonna make them eat their own "satanic principals". I posted the admissions questionnaire with a machivellian expose on why they'd ask such questions. Later on the Church followed our advice about a church schism much to my amusement. I was using their own satanic principals on how to treat an enemy satanically on the Church of Satan and they couldn't "Hack" it! He worships satan as a god, and hated the Church of satan we left and created a rival cult. We left him because he tolerated sociopaths, abusers, as members in the Church and saw nothing counterproductive in it. He had a relationship with a 14 year old Christian closeted gay boy who killed himself because he could not date Egan. Then migrated to Kabala, shamanism, Wicca, Buddhism, then finally to UFO/New age. I had no clue how vast what I didn't know was until then. Patricia Hand Clow talks about a future photon band making every unenlightened person evaporate as the new frequency evolves us into 'gods'. Because I actually wanted to know what JESUS had to say not what I thought Jesus would say filtered through my opinions about him. God says what I so desperately want but dare not dream, that's what he wants for us, to be loved, unafraid, unmolested, not hurt ,lied to, seduced, stolen from, humiliated or beaten.

    While the two groups do have a lot in common, Luciferians view themselves as separate from Satanists.

    Sekhmet was my "protector" She almost killed of those monster humans. I could see him in my brain his name was "Ahortah", he became what shrinks call an "alter personality." It was really a demon "friend"/defender/helper inside me. I would have preferred friendship, but they didn't want that. I didn't do much spells I did psychic work, hypnosis and divination. I cut myself everyday lapped the blood off my arms, smeared the rest on the wall drawing pictures of cat demons/pentagrams. I was figuring out that satan WAS indeed the source of magick. I looked not only in "new age" sections of bookstores but in psychology, anthropology, art/advertizing, history and I found magick was everywhere. I thought I was a Sirian, that is why I was a feline soul trapped in a human body!!

    I would have kids hypnotized squawking like chickens at lunch. I saw visions all day I began acting like a cat demon.

    How we watch matters at least as much as what we watch.

    TV and movies are more than entertainment: they teach us how to live and how to love one another, for better or worse.

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